Legitimate Spiritual Reasons For Not Attending Church

We have all heard some of the reasons for not attending church. They range from soup to nuts in the reasoning department, and a great many of them are just excuses for the real reason, which admittedly is they simply don’t want to go. They don’t have a vital relationship with the Lord and church is just a lifestyle choice to which they no longer want to give time. But what about those who do have a vital relationship with the Lord? Are there any legitimate reasons for no longer attending church? Yes, I believe there are. I am going to address them below.

1). Sunday is not the Sabbath. Going to church does not equal keeping the fourth commandment, which is eternal. The Commandments were given to show us our sin, therefore to not keep the Sabbath is a sin. Many people who are getting deeply into the study of God’s Word are coming to the conclusion that God NEVER changed the Sabbath to Sunday. There is nothing in Scripture that indicates that we should do so. The few verses that people try to use to legitimize this change fall flat when they are interpreted correctly. (See the following article for the Sabbath vs. Sunday controversy. https://bibleconundrumsandcontroversy.blogspot.com/2011/02/sabbath-or-sunday.html.) Can two walk together when they are not in agreement? Sabbath worshipers see not observing the Sabbath as breaking one of the Ten Commandments, which it is. Yet the church breaks it weekly without remorse or repentance. How does one worship in a church that denies Scripture and sins continually and unrepentantly defending a pagan practice, just because it is a man-made tradition?

As there are precious few groups that meet on the Sabbath, and the few who do are often considered more cults than not, it is highly unlikely that one can find a Sabbath observing church that is either not apostate (apostasy due to having a “prophet,” who has had extra-biblical revelations, at the helm of the church group - whether still alive or not) or has not gone back to being under the yoke of the law of Moses (this is referring to the laws beyond the 10 commandments – see these articles about that Parts 1 & 2 https://bibleconundrumsandcontroversy.blogspot.com/2012/09/should-christians-keep-entire-law-of.html

https://bibleconundrumsandcontroversy.blogspot.com/2017/03/should-christians-keep-entire-law-of.html.) As a consequence, most of these people are solitary individuals or family units that have no group with which to meet, so they stay at home and worship at home. Since they worship on Saturday, they see no need to go to a church, which they feel meets on a pagan worship day, to worship a second time. And as they do observe the Sabbath, usually the Sunday churches look down their nose with disapproval on these people as being ignorant or cult-like in their beliefs, which does not create a good fellowship situation. This is a big part of why the Sunday church pastors are telling the Sabbath worshipers that they need to be in church. They feel these people are horribly wrong and must be corrected, for their Christianity is greatly in question. Worship and fellowship are much easier when one is in harmony with doctrine and not at odds with the rest of the congregation, who do not take kindly to the “divisive” person in their midst. Divisive being an ironic label, since they are being obedient to the eternal law of God about the Sabbath.

2) Apostasy is rampant in the churches. Trying to find a church that has not completely compromised themselves with the world is a challenge these days, setting aside the Sabbath problem. The worldly music, the entertainment, the New Age and other doctrines of demons that are being taught are anathema to those who value God’s Word. These non-church going people want God’s Word and its truth, not the lies being espoused by so many churches these days. The Laodicean church is alive and well, and these people do not want to be in it, not because they are lukewarm, but because they are not, and it makes them want to spew the church out of their mouths, as much as God wants to.

If apostasy is not the problem, then Pharisaism is. Many churches have, over the years, developed their own denominational list of legalistic man-made rules by which they expect their parishioners to abide, so as to keep them as far from sin as possible (sound familiar?). It matters little to them whether or not these rules are Scriptural. They are their rules and you must play by their rules and adhere to them or accept the consequences. Constant berating from the pulpit and otherwise, chastising/disciplining, and being controlling are the methods used to keep their people in line. Some even resort to threats of differing kinds. Christ would not be proud.

3) The teaching is “Scripture light” in the churches. It is hard to find churches that get much beyond the basics of the gospel message to anything deeper. Since the Church (meaning the true the body of believers) has abdicated its responsibility, to preach the gospel and make disciples, in favor of letting the church (organized religious groups that meet in little buildings) do it, the preaching has become little more than the constant telling of how Jesus died for your sins. We are told to move on from these things which are the milk to the meat of Scripture. By that it was meant that we should get into the Old Testament, for that was the only Scripture available to whom the people the original letter in the N.T. was written, and it was what was meant by meat. The gospel message was coming via the apostles and word of mouth. The meat was already written down and in their possession. And a great deal of it has to do with the Second Coming, which for Christians is supposed to be the biggest priority of study after they have been saved. That is why several blessings and curses have been put upon the last book of the Bible - Revelation. Blessings for reading, heeding, and keeping the words contained in it, and curses for those who would add or subtract from what is in it. This is how important studying the end times is to the Lord. It is the only book upon which He has put such terms. They have no need to keep learning about Christ on the cross. They need to learn about Christ’s return, yet few churches preach it. A vast amount of Scripture, Old and New, is devoted to this subject. Few churches even open the Old Testament. And hardly anyone teaches the prophetic passages in the New, much less teach Revelation. Of course since few seem to study and understand prophecy, that might be better than not, for those who teach it do seem to be adding and subtracting from it, much to their peril. These people who are leaving the churches, who are not leaving due to lack of interest, are thirsting for a deeper knowledge of God’s Word and Him, and they are starving to death in the churches. So they are leaving to study on their own. They do it with the hope of finding others who might be like-minded.

4) Churches are poor stewards, using their finances for bigger buildings, better sound systems, multiple self-help programs, radio/TV broadcasts, salaries for multiple leaders, professional musicians, special groups for entertainment for outreach programs, and etc. There are families in these churches that are suffering financially, and get no help from the church, while the church is, in a public show of piety, giving away money to and helping those who are not brethren. Home-churching is preferable for several reasons, one being better stewardship of our finances. They find that their tithes and offerings can be diverted to help those in their group who have material needs, and can also help those outside of their group, where they can be a witness by giving materially, as well as spiritually. There is no public show to gain applause, just a quiet helping out, as we are told to do. There is no building to pay for, no salaries, no media expenses, etc., etc. Money can actually do some real good. And without an organized church, there is no possibility of government interference, which is getting to be a greater concern in this day and age.

5) Fellowship is not what it is cracked up to be in the church. One of the excuses used to try to shame people into attending church is the need for fellowship. Not all church fellowship is profitable and spiritually uplifting. Sometimes it is emotionally and spiritually shattering. It is hard to find a church where cliques do not exist. There is always the “in” group, just as there was in school. People who are not in this group are snubbed or treated as lesser Christians. They are not considered for positions or allowed to do things. They are only allowed to be pew sitters. The “in” group also tends to rule the church and set the standards by which everybody else is expected to tow the line. They want control of people’s private lives. I have personally seen people accused of sin and unexpectedly ambushed publicly before the congregation for discipline, and not only was there no sin by Biblical standards, but the discipline was applied totally unscripturally, for there was no warning the discipline was coming. Had it actually been warranted, the Bible instruction as to how to carry out discipline was completely ignored. It was merely that the people who were running the church did not like what was done, because they had a Pharisaical worry about what people might think about the church’s reputation. What they did not comprehend was the reputation they actually had, was that they were a judgmental self-righteous group, who lived by their own (not God’s) set of rules which they applied to others and expected them to meet or get chastised. And they wondered why nobody wanted to walk over the threshold of the church. Bullying is not liked by people. And it is not contained to merely the adult level.

Here I am going to turn this next passage over to my friend, Rosemary, for she (or rather her children), has experienced this problem. “I would add that children are often bullied in the church. Kids that really do have a heart for the Lord and genuinely want to learn more and to also live in a way pleasing to the Lord, those kids are often bullied by the other kids at church. And often the bullies are children of people either in leadership positions or in positions of high esteem with church leaders, so when parents report the bullying of their children, nothing is done about it, because those who have the power to stop it are not willing to even admit that it's happening. (Also, I do not know this for certain, but I do think that it's very possible that this same mentality is precisely why sexual abuse of children in the church has been virtually completely ignored until very recently.)” I can personally attest to this last comment by Rosemary that it is indeed a certainty, for I have actually seen it transpire in a couple of fundamental, evangelical churches. The cover-up of sexual abuse is not unheard of at all. It is not just the Catholic church with their pedophilia, or the pastors of evangelical churches having illicit sex with parishioners behind closed doors. There is hidden abuse in all the churches.

Home-churching with others or even alone is very preferable in this respect. The early church met in homes, and people knew each other very well and were aware of each other’s needs and struggles. Today a church can be literally thousands of people. They have no idea whom they go to church with, much less their needs materially and spiritually. Nor do they really seem to care. They are in these churches to feed their own needs, not the needs of others. They pick a church because it is entertaining, because it has a youth program, because it appeals to them on some level, not because it is a Bible teaching, holiness encouraging fellowship. Fellowship is more sweet for those outside of the church. They meet other Christians and connect with them in random places. They can’t always meet together on a weekly basis, but the fellowship is always sweeter, for they care, share, and pray for each other without the “in” crowd tsk, tsking them for something. The sharing doesn’t become gossip in the church, which is a prevalent problem in churches.

People who can find others to meet with find that the small group allows them to really get to know each other and better watch out for and love each other versus big churches where people are numbers rather than individuals. For those who can find like-minded Christians to get together with, the fellowship is so much better. They can share things without the worry of gossip or judgmentalism because of self-righteous piety being the concern of the church for appearances’ sake. They have doctrine in common and strive to keep it as Scriptural as possible, removing the paganism that has crept in, and seeking deeper truths rather than just continuing to regurgitate denominational party lines and pablum. They are concerned about holiness, rather than self-indulgence and entertainment. The relationships tend to be closer than a normal church group might have and the emphasis is on holy living, not on who is doing what, who is in charge, who has been doing what someone else disapproves of, or dissension about what are they going to do about such and such a problem with the building, or what have you.

6) Churches are losing the youth. It has failed them. That is because today they are entertaining our youth, but they are not teaching them. Admittedly, they only have them a couple hours a week, and that is another reason why they should not be relied upon to be the ones who teach our children. These children are leaving the churches in droves and their parents and pastors cannot figure out why. It is because they are not being taught Scriptural truths – what to believe, why they believe what they believe, and how to defend it. It is these very important truths that bind a person to their faith. Without them, they will wander away. Not only is the church not teaching them, their parents are not teaching them at home either, having relegated that responsibility to the church. Between the parents not teaching them, the many hours most children of Christians spend in the pagan school system, and the lack of anything of real spiritual value in most of the churches, what else can you expect?

Another problem with the parents is that they often don’t know what they believe or why and most certainly can’t defend it, so how can they teach their children anyhow. This is a multi-generational problem over more than that last hundred years, where the church has dropped the ball. As a consequence, nobody is teaching the children anything. Nor are the parents living by God’s Word, but are merely living a lifestyle according to the traditions and rules of whatever denomination they follow, which is often a life of hypocrisy. It is spiritually empty. If a parent is not studying, praying, or striving to live holy, why should the child? The rare children who do read their Bibles at all see the discrepancies between all of that, the doctrines they are taught to espouse, and the behavior of the church congregation and their parents. Yes, nobody is perfect, but traditions and legalism, and worldliness and entertainment are evident to even children as being very wrong. Why would I want to subject my precious child’s eternal spiritual state to that?

Home-churching is far better for children, for the parents who will spend the time to do this are committed to their children’s spiritual state. They will take a tremendous amount of time to study and pray and be fully committed, just as homeschoolers are, and will be very serious about teaching their children spiritual truths and living their lives as an example. Aside from this they also do not have to worry about bullying or God forbid, sexual abuse. The excuse is again given by the church, but what about peer socialization? Quite honestly, do you want your child, whom you want to live for Christ, hanging around with the pseudo Christian children, who will leave the church the minute they are out from under mommy and daddy’s thumb? Or do you want to carefully choose whom they socialize with, so that they will be encouraged to live a holy life? One does not have to exclusively socialize with their own age group. A healthy child will be able to socialize with all ages and learn to choose their companions carefully regardless of age. And families who worship together (just as families who homeschool) tend to have close bonds with their children that keep them on the narrow path. These children are far healthier emotionally, and spiritually they are way ahead of the game, for they are not easily led astray by false doctrines, for they are grounded in why they believe what they believe, and can defend their beliefs.

7) “I’m not perfect and that’s why I’m in church.” This is the stock message thrown at non-church-goers. As if those who despise apostasy and entertainment are declaring themselves perfect. The irony being that while they spew this proverb at people, they actually think the opposite in many cases. The self-righteousness is often very apparent in church-goers, who use this phrase the most. Thank you again, Rosemary for bringing this problem to my attention. With the exception of a deletion of a parenthetical note or two, I will present her statements on this particular issue.

“Can I just also say that I am getting super-sick of hearing the ‘I'm not perfect and that's why I'm in church’ comment? For while that sentiment is, in part, true, I have come to see it used now as more of an excuse used by regular church goers. Yes, no one is perfect, but once we make Jesus the Lord of our lives, we are supposed to strive to live each day doing His will, not our own will. So, yes, it's true that you are not perfect because you go to church, but at the same time you should not be shrugging your shoulders at the sin in your life, as if to say that there is nothing you can do about it. It also seems to me that the people who love to say that same slogan are the same people who are proud and self-righteous about attending their church every Sunday. Maybe I'm way off here, but I rarely hear any regular church-goers talking about striving for holiness in their daily lives. Or speaking at all about the holiness of God.

Oh, and one more thing, I also associate that ‘I go to church because I'm not perfect’ meme as being a come-back line that regular church-goers use when they are accused of not being any different than non-church-goers. As Christians, we are SUPPOSED to be different- a people set apart-a peculiar people. From what I see around me, in America at least, the average church-goer has no desire to live a life any different than their non-church-going neighbors, co-workers, friends, etc. They want to fit right in with the rest of society - with ‘the world.’ So when a non-church-goer comments on this, that the person going to church does not seem any ‘better’ (aka different) than the person who does not go to church, the church-goer quickly responds with the meme. And they miss the whole point. If someone who does not go to church, who does not know the Lord, who has not heard or understood the gospel and responded to it - if they cannot see any difference between themselves and the person who is telling them that they should be going to church - then as Christians, we're doing it wrong! There should be HUGE differences between the everyday lives of a Christian and the everyday life of a non-believer. The person who does not know Christ should look at the Christian and wonder what is different about them. Why do they do the things they do? Why don't they lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation? Why don't they cheat when they know that no one would find out? Why do they love others the way they do? Why do they handle life's problems and disappointments so differently? When there is no discernible difference, I think that is when the church-goer is scoffed at when they ask someone to go to church with them. It's pretty understandable that the unchurched person would respond with ‘What, you think you're better than me because you go to church?’ If they don't see any other difference, then yes, why should they go to church? Indeed, why?”

Thank you, Rosemary, I couldn’t have said it better myself. Even if you are striving to live a holy life, if you ask someone to accompany you to your church, which might have a less than stellar reputation, it reflects back on you that you associate with that church, and it diminishes your effectiveness in witnessing to the non-believer for we are known by our companions.

The church initially began in people’s homes, and in countries where persecution is rife, that is how Christians meet again today. Is it really so inconceivable that in a time when God Himself told us apostasy would be rampant in Christendom, that the true believers would again leave the government approved, acknowledged, and sometimes controlled churches, to seek out a way of worship that allows them to worship in spirit and in truth? The Pilgrims sacrificed much to be able to do that. As a direct descendant of these courageous Christians, I take my heritage seriously and am a Separatist myself.

8) The one and only Scripture that is used to try to force people into church attendance (because mandatory church attendance is nowhere taught in Scripture) is found in Hebrews 10:25. That this verse has been taken out of context and used in a way that was never intended is shown in an article linked here.

https://bibleconundrumsandcontroversy.blogspot.com/2020/02/a-correct-interpretation-of-hebrews-1025.html

I am also linking another article which gives some bad reasons for going to church that makes one consider why they do go to church.

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/five-bad-reasons-to-go-to-church

Just before posting this article, I read an article that a woman had written saying why it was necessary to take your children to church. It was said that even if a mother had to run around like a mad woman and throw pop tarts at the children to eat on the way, that they needed to be at church, because that was where they would meet Jesus. That when they see the teacher, and she gives them juice and crackers to fill their tummies, that they would be meeting Jesus. That when they sat squirming in their seats with her in church, and she showed them where in the Bible the pastor was preaching from, they would be meeting Jesus. That church was the only place where a child could be themselves and not have to worry about peer pressure or performance. There was more than this in the content, but what struck me immediately was not just that the way church was approached was in a obligatory fashion, rushing to get there as if dashing to a doctor's appointment that could not be missed, instead of getting up early to take time to prepare everyone in a peaceful way, so that they would approach worship with a right heart and attitude, but that the reason for going was because they were going to "meet Jesus" there. As if church were the only place they could and would meet Him.

If the only place the children are meeting Jesus is at church, then that home has a lot more problems than having a harried morning on Sunday. They should be meeting Jesus every single day in their home. Church should only be a blip on the screen in that journey. They should be receiving their learning about Him at home. They should be establishing their relationship with Him at home. They should not even need church, if it is missed for some reason, because He lives in their home. No wonder children are leaving the churches in droves. Jesus is somebody they do not even know, because they are not meeting Him in the apostate churches, and they apparently are not meeting Him at home either. Juice and crackers filling their tummies is not meeting Jesus, just because it is in the church's nursery.

And as shown in one of the reasons above, it is not necessarily a place, and certainly not the only place, a child can be themselves. Children get bullied and sometimes abused in churches as well as elsewhere. The place they should be able to be themselves should be everywhere and anywhere, because they should be learning that at home. The parents should be building their self-esteem to enable them to stand against the world, because they have put their trust in Christ. That is why I am also an advocate of home-schooling. We are given eternal souls over which to be stewards and are held responsible by God for our children's lives, both mortal and eternal. Their physical, mental, emotional, and especially their spiritual lives are our responsibility, until they are old enough to make their own decisions. We cannot do that if they are in Satan's institutions most of the day for fives day a week, and apostate churches on the weekends. And then there are the extra-curricular activities that take up hours more of their time. How much time do most Christian parents actually spend with their children teaching them about the Lord and just life in general? For most, it is very little. We cannot choose God for them, every person must choose for themselves, but we must make every effort to show them that this is the choice they should want to make. Both by example and by spending every moment teaching them. Deuteronomy 6:7 "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."

The Jews were required (at least the men) to go to the temple by God's laws. The church is no longer under that obligation. We are the temple of God. We do not need a building, yet Christianity has elevated that "mandatory by tradition" element to a place of idolatry, as if we were still under the Mosaic Laws and the church is the temple, and we MUST be there every Sunday, or we are in terrible trouble. Christians say we are under grace, but they do not act as if they believe it. They seem to trust in the church, not the body of believers, but the building and the worship service to gain them entrance into heaven, as if it is a sacrifice on the altar that they are under obligation to present to be in good standing. Worship of God should be ongoing everywhere you are, not reserved for one hour a week in a designated building. If that is the only place it is happening, then there are far more serious problems in a person's relationship with Christ than worrying about whether or not they have to miss church.